Barriers - Eating

240.6 lbs.

Not going in the right direction. Did do my aerobics video for 30 minutes last week when it was so cold. Bad week this last week though. Ran out of my lavender essential oil so slept like crap so overate crap. Lavender oil arrived Wednesday and today is the first day I've felt human again.

I'm not having much luck doing even 6 minutes of exercise in the morning on the weekdays. Will keep trying but don't see that as a long term solution to getting that third day of 30 minutes of exercise in. I am glad I'm being consistent in exercising on the weekends.

So, the next step obviously has to be on my eating. So as with exercise, it's time to list out what my barriers are to eating healthy and appropriate amounts.

Sleep

I can throw healthy eating and appropriate amounts out the window if I'm tired. I want fattening, fried, heavy, creamy food. I think it's about getting an energy lift but it is pretty much impossible to overcome. I am hopeful that the lavender essential oil will resolve this and I can focus on other barriers.

Clean Your Plate

My father ate only one meal a day when I was growing up so he was consuming 2000 calories at dinner. Our plates were smaller by comparison but in hindsight we were being served adult size portions as young as 6 or 7, maybe earlier. And we were expected to clean our plates (children are starving in China you know so we can't waste food - as if that would make them any less hungry - how about you BUY less food for us and GIVE the money to feed them but I digress). The end result is that I have a deep seated compulsion to finish every last bite of food on my plate. And not only my plate but every plate on the table! If my daughter doesn't finish her food, I feel the need to finish it for her. You can see why I have a weight problem.

Indeed when my daughter (adopted from China - some kind of irony there) is full, she simply stops eating. I distinctly remembering urging her to eat the last two bites on her plate and her absolutely refusing. Then I realized what I was doing. I let her her stop eating no matter how much is on her plate but I still feel compelled to clean that plate too.

I do better with this when the food is served onto plates from the stove. "Family" style where the food is on the table and everyone helps themselves is a disaster for me. I feel I have to keep eating.

Read something yesterday that floored me - in many cultures if you finish everything on your plate, it is a signal to the hostess that you are still hungry and they will continue to serve you food until you leave some on the plate. Leaving at least one bite on the plate is the signal to the hostess that you are done, you are full, you have been satisfied. The challenge was to to leave one bite of food on your plate at every meal. Doing so, you would automatically lose 5 lbs. a year.

This idea appeals to me. I've struggled with the only eat half of what you are served. Never have been able to do it consistently. Afraid I will be hungry when I won't have food available. But leaving one or two or a few bites? I might be able to do that (though habit will be the enemy). I'll have enjoyed my food. Usually, I'm full when I get to the last few bites but I eat them anyway to be a "good" guest. If I can change being a "good" guest to leaving food on my plate (and everyone else's), I might make some real progress.

Taste

Okay - let's just be honest here - fruits and vegetables raw are just bland. Maybe Edible Arrangement fruits or Harry and David are the exception but most fruits never live up to their potential. By accident you get a good one. Most of the time, you just eat hoping for that juicy fruity goodness we are promised. Veggies raw need at least salt if not dressing or dip. Cooked, they need fat (olive oil, butter, something) and herbs. Cheese is always a welcome complement.

I've decided that in order to get more fruits and veggies in I have to give up the idea of just have an apple for a snack or some carrot sticks. No, not happening. There will at least be some peanut butter with that apple and some ranch with those carrots.

Hassle

Preparing healthy food is work no matter how you look at it. You have to cut the food, you have to dress it somehow. It isn't typically grab and go and even when they try to make it that way, it's messy to eat. You get juice from fruit everywhere. You have water dripping off veggies. Not car food by any stretch of the imagination.

Even making a smoothie in the morning is more trouble than pouring some cereal in a bowl and dumping milk or yogurt on it.

I am going to have accept that I need to take more time on my eating in order to eat healthier.

Summary

So the goal for this month is to keep tiredness at bay and start leaving some food on my plate at each meal. Hopefully, I won't gain this month.

Here we go again

240.2 lbs.

Thanksgiving strikes again. Up 2 lbs. since Thanksgiving day. I've gained up to 7 lbs between Thanksgiving and Christmas before. Would like to do not do that again.

Going to be up against the weather barrier to exercise today. Temp dropped to the 20s. Going to be hard to be motivated to go out walking. Maybe I'll do my aerobics video.

Need the Thanksgiving desserts to disappear (and not into my tummy).

Barriers - Excercise Part 2

237.6 lbs.

Well because there was no school a couple of days this week, I was able to follow my weekend routine and get up, put on my workout clothes, have my coffee and then go for a walk, meaning I got three 30 minute workouts this week plus another 26 minute one. That would have been the 30 minutes except I ran into landscapers and the people barrier kicked in. I wasn't going to stay in that area and since it was and extra workout, I just went home.

I was surprised that my weight was down because I got a cold toward the end of the week and feed a cold, starve a fever kicked in plus not sleeping well and I felt like I was eating more. Extra exercise doesn't usually make that much of a difference for me. Though I'm usually my lowest of the month a week or two before my period starts.

Today was another challenge to my exercise barriers - weather. It was cold (27 degrees). But it was sunny, not windy, not rainy so I put on my coat and went. I should have put on a hat or got a scarf. My ears were froze when I got back. But I pushed through it. The last 10 minutes were hard. If I hadn't been on my way home anyway, I would have turned and come back anyway. The clothes barrier there. I will need a scarf or hat tomorrow. Still I did the 30 minutes. I hope that having defined the barriers now that I will be able to push through, to recognize them and overcome them.

Barriers

240.6 lbs.

So obviously, August and September were not good months for me. I made more of an effort to exercise in October. I was trying for the 30 minutes, 3x a week but only managed 2x a week.

In November, I'm now trying to do 6 minutes Monday - Friday so that I have a total for the week of 90 minutes. First week, I fell short and only did it Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Managed an extra walk to the park on Friday for a few more minutes.

I should make it this week because the kids are off from school 2 days so I got a walk in this morning.

I realized that at work, we examine programs to determine what the barriers will be to implementing the program because we have found too many times that we come up with a great program that goes nowhere. We are always saying "this would work fabulously if they would only do x,y, and z." We know that we have to address x,y, and z when we roll out or we might as well not bother. So, I decided I need to apply the same idea to my weight.

So here are my barriers to excercise:

People

I hate exercising around other people. This is why gyms and groups and get with a buddy programs don't work for me. It's why I don't exercise at home because my family is always around. The time in my life that I exercised the most was when I was single. I could do an aerobics video when I got home or go for a walk. While I do encounter people when I walk, it's usually brief. However, I know if I find myself essentially walking the same route as someone else, I will cut the walk short. The lack of alone time is a major reason I don't exercise.

Tired

I am not sleeping well and seem to have crushing fatigue most days. Hormones or adrenal fatigue from stress maybe. But it kicks my butt. I wake up tired and can barely go through the motions to get to my morning coffee, which may or may not finally get me going on some kind of normal level. By the end of the day, I'm usually exhausted and barely have energy to do anything more than surf the net.

Time

So I probably have more time than I think, particularly at the end of the day. I run into the other barriers preventing me from doing the exercise.

Clothes

I don't mind changing from jammies into workout clothes. On the weekends, I do that, have my coffee, check my email, go for a walk and then come home and shower and tackle the day. That routine works for me. Unfortunately, it only works on the weekends. On the weekdays, I'm always getting up in the middle of a sleep cycle, dragging myself out of bed to quickly shower and get dressed, make lunches, and finally have my coffee. Getting up early isn't consistently an option. I'm tired when my alarm goes off. I'll be tired if it goes off 45 minutes earlier.

Changing into workout clothes when I get home from work isn't appealing either. I have things to do before I'd have time to workout. Then what am I supposed to do stay in workout clothes until bedtime? Go to bed unshowered? Take another shower? Yeah, that isn't happening.

Weather

I'm a fair weather walker. Too hot and I don't want to do it. Too cold or rainy and I don't want to do it. Too dark out and I don't want to do it. It doesn't take much to stop me. This is however, I think the barrier that is easiest to overcome with a just do it attitude.

Summary

It's pretty clear that consistent exercise is only going to happen for me in the morning. I've been very consistent for the last 6 weeks exercising every morning on the weekends. I've gained 2 pounds over that 6 weeks. I need to see how eating fits into this because I am entering the time of year when I typically gain 5-7 pounds. I think that is a combination of the holiday eating and the fact that I stop exercising even on the weekends because the weather gets bad. GOAL 1 - don't let the weather derail my weekend walking. GOAL 2 - keep trying to get that 6 minutes of stretching, arm circles, running in place, and knee lifts done every weekday.

Need to work on the tiredness. Ordered some Essential Oils to see if that will help with my sleep and my energy. If I could master that, I could get up early enough to do an aerobics video in the morning. Really if I could wake up at 5 am and not be exhausted doing so, I could exercise every morning. Though, I'm not sure a 9 pm bedtime is doable. That's essentially when my kids go to bed. Soon, they will be staying up later.

Struggling

233.6

Did all right for a few days on eating fruits and veggies and did my 30 minutes of exercise 1 day. Then time crunches for a few days put me right back to grab and go food (processed and carbs) and no time or energy for a walk.

Trying again this week.

Time to Give Up?

232.2 lbs.

Was at 231.2 on Friday, even after a BBQ at work so was pretty discouraged this morning. Then I found this TED Talk on Facebook. Not sure now if I am discouraged or encouraged.

I may have to face the fact that I am at this set point of my top baby weight gain, that my body keeps wanting to move me back to it and that is that.

It was encouraging to know that if I adopt all four of the healthy lifestyle choices my risk of death isn't actually any higher than a normal weight person. I already have two (not smoking and drinking in moderation). I believe I can exercise for 30 minutes 3 times a week. It's the 5-7 that I just can't seem to work in. And I am also doing better about eating more fruits and vegetables.

I have often wondered what would happen if I ate what I WANTED instead of what I thought I SHOULD because I usually end up eating more then because I ate what I should but then still had the compulsion to eat what I want.

Do I have the courage to give up dieting? To accept my weight as it is? I know I would be happier if I stopped beating myself up over my weight. Maybe I should just focus on what makes me feel beautiful at THIS weight and enjoying the food I do eat.

Progress

231.8

Hoping for a full pound but indulged the last few days and stopped doing my food log and walking still down is progress.

I notice that I am more consistent at the beginning of the week. About Wednesday, it starts getting away from me and I'm tired of logging my food.

I revised my calorie goal to a 1lb a week goal instead of half a pound because I also notice I tend to go a little over my goal. Hopefully, by revising it down when I go over, I will still hit the calories for half a pound. Would really like a pound a week but I don't have the discipline yet for that.

Been sleeping better but sleeping later in the morning, which is also contributing to my not walking. Still too hot at not.

Really want to get under 230 sooner rather than later but have to be realistic. I probably have 3 weeks at least for that. Sigh. Keep moving.